Progress After Diagnosis

It only took me a few days to notice a difference in how I felt. This was incredibly exciting because I had thought for sure I was dying. After a few weeks, I felt like a whole new person. I look back at pictures of myself, and I'm shocked at how I looked. No wonder people thought I definitely had to be anorexic or bulimic. I definitely looked the part. 

Like I said before, I went the route of eliminating all food until I was 100% sure it was gluten-free. This didn't do a lot for variety in my diet, but it did help to ensure I didn't eat something I shouldn't by mistake. It also helped me to start gaining weight. 

My birthday was about a week after I changed my diet, and I immediately wished I had waited. I knew there were gluten-free cake mixes out there, but the last thing I wanted to do was take the time to bake a cake and have it taste disgusting. It wasn't unusual to skip cake on my birthday, but there was something about not having the option that depressed me. I hadn't researched eating out yet, so I was shocked when my boyfriends parents took us out for breakfast for my birthday and I had to come to the realization that eating out would not be easy. I don't know if my meal had been safe or not as it was too early for me to truly have a reaction, but I wouldn't be surprised if my food had been contaminated.

I immediately began doing some research when we got home from breakfast because my boyfriend wanted to take me out for dinner, and I wanted to make sure it was easier to order. I discovered higher end restaurants tend to be safer, so we went to a higher end restaurant that was still within his budget. I wound up getting a steak with no seasoning and a plain baked potato. It was good, but it was also something I could have easily made myself at home. 

He hadn't gotten me a gift yet, so he said we could go shopping after dinner and I could pick something out. After two disappointing experiences in dining out, I knew exactly what I wanted. We went to Kohls, and I picked out a new electric mixer and a food processor. It was time I learned to cook and bake, and these two items would help me to do that.

It would be another number of months before I really started to explore cooking, and years before I discovered how enjoyable I find my time in the kitchen to be. It was also months later before I attempted to eat out again. My boyfriend had no interest in going out to eat with me because he found my questions to be embarrassing. My next attempt after my birthday was with his mother, and it was excellent. I had found that most Outback Steakhouse locations did a very good job with accommodating those on a gluten-free diet. I later discovered that I had gotten lucky with an excellent waiter on my first trip to Outback, but that good experience gave me the courage to attempt eating out occasionally. I also learned the importance of rewarding good waitstaff and requesting them by name whenever I dine there. 

About a year after changing my diet, I went to a gluten-free vendor fair in Chicago. I met up with some people who frequented an online gluten-free forum, and for the first time I didn't feel quite as alone as I had before. For two days, I stuffed myself with excellent gluten-free food, learned a lot of great information from the speakers, and I got a bunch of great samples to bring home. 

About six months after changing my diet, it seemed like I was having symptoms again, but there was something different about it. At an appointment with my OB/GYN, I suddenly burst out crying for no reason when I was explaining some of my newer symptoms. He suggested I see a psychologist. I was somewhat shocked by the suggestion, but he explained that individuals can go through a grieving process after adopting a gluten-free diet because they've lost something important to them. He also said that my behavior was starting to border on agoraphobia, and the thought of being too afraid to ever leave my house was enough to get me to make an appointment that same day. 

In therapy, I discovered that my "relapse" wasn't actually caused by gluten. I had spent over 10 years of my life afraid to go places, especially if I didn't know where the restrooms were. Stress and anxiety were causing my diarrhea and stomachaches. I was so afraid of getting sick, that I was making myself sick. My psychologist was able to help me work through the grief and my fear of leaving my house.

So that was my first year. What was your first gluten-free year like?

Making it up as you go....

You know those days when you desperately need to go grocery shopping, but you also need to eat before you go? Quick and easy meals aren't nearly as abundant in the gluten-free world. Gone are the days when you swing through the McDonalds drive-thru on your way to the grocery store. There are fast food restaurants that supposedly have gluten-free options, but I'd rather be safe with my food consumption, and there is no way I'm going to trust a 16-year-old to care enough to prepare my food carefully. Popping a frozen pizza into the oven isn't an easy option either because there aren't any cheap frozen gluten-free pizzas (gluten-free pizza exists, it's just expensive).

Today was one of those days when the cupboards were incredibly bare. I've been meaning to do actual meal planning to ensure we are staying within our budget, and because I prefer to eat good tasting meals. I also have a strong dislike for the "what's for dinner" game.

Today, I was forced to throw together a couple random things and hope it would turn out. I first spotted a can of crushed tomatoes. We also had some gluten-free pasta in the cupboard, but I would prefer to eat pasta with actual tomato sauce, so that was out. I then spotted some beans that were about to expire. Cannellini, Dark Red Kidney, and Black beans to be specific. I originally figured I'd make something similar to chili even though I much prefer chili with meat, and I also prefer it to be made in the slow-cooker. After I drained the beans, and had everything in the pan, I decided it needed something more.

Without measuring, I just sort of dumped some rice in there, and figured I would heat it on medium until it was boiling, and then cover it and cook it on simmer for 20 minutes, which is how you would cook rice. As it was heating up to a boil, I noticed it kept sticking to the bottom of the pan as I stirred, but I was sort of stuck with it at that point. There wasn't anything I could do to change it, so I figured I might as well continue and hope it turned out.

When the 20 minutes were up, I took the cover off, and as I stirred, it seemed it might just have turned out ok. I grabbed some random spices (oregano, celery salt, and onion salt), and added them for flavor.

Once it was in bowls, I decided it would go better as sort of a dip for chips, so I grabbed some tortilla chips and stuck them in the side of the bowl.

This is what I ended up with:

Altogether, I think it took about 30 minutes to make, which isn't too bad considering I was able to do some laundry and other miscellaneous tasks while it sat covered and simmering for 20 minutes.

My fiance told me it could have used some salt, and I agreed. I had planned on adding salt after the other spices, but for some reason I got the salt out of the spice cabinet but failed to actually pour some into the pot.  

The best thing about this meal is that it is naturally gluten-free. There are brands of beans, tortilla chips, rice, and tomatoes that are not gluten-free, but the majority of them are gluten-free. (My point is that this is a meal that didn't require specialty gluten-free items like pasta or bread.)

I also figured out that the ingredients probably cost us about $5, and there is approximately enough for 8 servings--talk about cheap! It worked so well, that I plan to always keep a can of crushed tomatoes in the house. We already keep the house stocked with rice and beans because they are cheap ingredients, and they can be added to or made as a side for multiple meals. I definitely need to experiment with different spice combinations, but I'm very satisfied with what we got the first time around.

Gluten-Free Beer and Line Dancing

 About a month ago, a friend of mine started doing line dance lessons at a local bar. We desperately needed a night out, and we were going to go to dance lessons before our wedding anyway (have I mentioned I'm engaged?), so we figured we would check it out. My friend knew we were coming, and she is on a gluten-free diet also, although she does not drink beer. She asked me which beer I would prefer, and I essentially gave her a list of every gluten-free beer (except the ones that remove the gluten--I'll talk about those later) and said she could get whichever one was the most convenient.

The first week, there weren't many people there, but she had successfully gotten Redbridge Gluten-Free beer into the bar. At $3 a bottle, I thought it was a great deal. She said she had gotten a case for us, and we were responsible for finishing it off. I figured we could easily finish off a 6-pack in a night or two (we're not big drinkers). I soon found out a case was an actual case--as in 24 bottles as opposed to 6 bottles. That might take a bit longer. 

I quickly figured out my fiance cannot dance. He sort of has rhythm, but for the most part, he just can't dance. Lucky for him, I'm not marrying him for his dancing skills. Despite his inability to dance well, he actually tries, which makes me love him even more. 

The second week there were even less people there. In between group line dance lessons, she took the time to start teaching us the two-step. We probably spent half the night practicing. I was actually looking like I absolutely knew what I was doing for the line dances, while he continued to struggle. 

We missed lessons last week because we were both sick, but we made an extra effort to make it out tonight--we have a whole case of beer to go through, so we have to show up ;)

There were about the same number of people tonight as there was the first night. We arrived late, so we missed the initial lessons, but lucky for him, we showed up in time to actually do the dances without the lessons...or not lucky for him... 

My point is that I'm incredibly thankful there is gluten-free beer out there. I think we've gone through 14 of the 24 bottles at this point. I know I never would have paid attention to how much beer a bar had left prior to requiring a gluten-free diet, but despite paying attention to how much is left, there is something incredibly "normal" about going to a bar and drinking a beer out of a bottle. 

I still remember the first time I had a drink out of a bottle after switching to a gluten-free diet. I was at a bar with co-workers when a friend of mine from out of state called. She said she was at a a bar drinking Woodchuck Cider and noticed it said gluten-free right on the label. She was VERY excited about finding this, and she told me that I would probably be able to find it in a bar in my town. One of my co-workers heard me talking, and when I got off the phone, they informed me that the bar we were at carried Woodchuck Cider. The night ended with me drinking too many and getting a ride home which meant walking to work the next day. Thankfully that was only a little over a mile. What can I say, I was excited.

I'm all about those things that make me feel "normal." Getting a beer in a bottle at the bar ranks at the top of the list. Ordering a burger WITH a gluten-free bun is way up there too. 

We normally never go out on Friday nights. We're doing our best to save for our wedding, so nights out are few and far between. Our original plan was to only go the first night for line dance lessons, but we had so much fun, we chose to downgrade our cable package to the lowest package instead so we would have the money to go out once a week. 

I'm tempted to re-read this and post this tomorrow because I've consumed three beers tonight, but I'm going to trust my (future) readers won't judge me too much for not making the best sense when slightly inebriated ;)

Baking Therapy

I was in a horrid mood this afternoon. One of those horrid moods where you wish you had a punching bag to work off the frustration, but you know you're too clumsy and weak for it to work and you'd wind up hurting yourself in the process. ;)

A friend of mine had posted a recipe for a brownie mix that you can pre-make and it supposedly only costs $.30/mix. It wasn't a gluten-free recipe, so I asked if it would convert, and I was told it should with any gluten-free all-purpose flour.

What do the two have to do with each other you ask? Sometimes baking is therapeutic for me. I have to be in the right kind of bad mood, but when I am, there is something about baking that calms me. I feared a failed recipe would really send me over the edge, but I decided to attempt it anyway. I happened to have all the ingredients necessary (sugar, flour, baking powder, cocoa, vanilla, eggs, oil, and salt).

I began to calm down as I measured the dry ingredients. I worked my way into my own little world as I cracked the eggs. I smiled as I poured the batter into the pan.

After I put the pan in the oven, I looked around the kitchen and suddenly had the urge to clean. By time the brownies were done, I had emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, and I had tilapia in a glass dish ready to bake it. As the brownies cooled and the tilapia cooked, I started wiping down the outside of the fridge and stove.

I laugh now because this never would have worked before I went on a gluten-free diet. What exactly is therapeutic about dumping a boxed mix into a bowl and adding some eggs and oil? Not much if you ask me. I think part of it is age and maturity (what young person thinks cleaning is therapeutic?), but a lot of it is being required to slow down. Losing the convenience of...well...convenience, causes one to appreciate things more. I appreciate the process, and the outcome, and everything in between.

In case you want to try it, this is the recipe I used:

1 Cup Sugar1/2 Cup All-Purpose Flour1/3 Cup Cocoa1/4 tsp Salt1/4 tsp Baking PowderStore mix in plastic bags or mason jars.At Baking Time Add: 2 Eggs, 1/2 Cup Vegetable Oil, 1 teaspoon Vanilla. Bake @ 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes in an 8x8 or 9x9 pan.

The purpose of the recipe is to pre-make the mix, and then just add the wet ingredients when you want brownies rather than purchasing a mix and adding the wet ingredients. The only modification I made was using 2 teaspoons of vanilla which was recommended by a (expert when it comes to gluten-free baking) friend of mine. I used Jules Gluten-Free All-Purpose Flour and Hershey's Cocoa, but I plan on trying different flours in the future to see if it makes a difference.

They didn't turn turn out excellent, but I also started eating them when they were still very warm. They taste great, but they didn't want to stay together and they have a little more of a cake consistency then a brownie consistency. Here's a picture of the pan of brownies and an individual one:

I also promise I normally take much better pictures. These are "I'm in a bad mood, you're lucky I took a picture at all" pictures ;)

p.s. Writing also calms me.

The Beginning

I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease on March 27, 2008. I went 100% gluten free on March 30th, 2008. I would have done it immediately, but at the time, I only had Thursdays and Sundays off from work, and I didn't have time to go grocery shopping on Friday or Saturday, and NOTHING in my house was gluten-free. I went grocery shopping on the 30th before breakfast because I wanted my first day to be a full day of gluten-free food.  I had a general idea of what I could and couldn't eat, and I had a general idea of what ingredients to look out for. My plan was to eliminate everything until I was 100% sure it was "safe."

I spent two hours at the grocery store, and at this point, I wish I had taken a picture of my shopping cart because I'd love to see exactly how far I've come so I can prove to others that it does get easier. I had hardly filled the bottom of the cart, but I was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I knew I didn't have enough food to get me through the week, but I just couldn't be in the store any longer. It took all of my willpower to actually go to the checkout line rather just leaving the cart and going home with nothing.

As I made my way to the checkout line, my boyfriend called. He said he needed milk. I told him I was just about to get in the checkout line, and I really needed to leave. He insisted I go get milk anyway. He didn't understand. I didn't understand. The bottom line was I knew I would crumple into a ball crying my eyes out if I needed to spend one extra second in that grocery store. My eyes began to burn as I tried to explain why it was just too much for me to turn my cart around and go all the way to the back of the store to get him a gallon of milk. He insisted I would turn around if it was something for myself. I insisted I would explain when I got home.

I left the store without milk. I also fell apart once I was in the safety of my car. How in the world was I going to do this? I couldn't cry every time I went grocery shopping. I also couldn't leave the grocery store with such little food or I would starve.

I wish I could remember what I had bought that first shopping trip. I know I had chicken, eggs, and potatoes, but I'm not sure what else. Rice Chex came out with their gluten-free version soon after I was diagnosed, and you would have thought I won the lottery the first time I found a box. I originally ate eggs for breakfast each morning, but that was soon replaced by Rice Chex. I had met with a dietitian who said I needed to consume something like 3,000-3,500 calories each day in order to get myself to a decent weight. I don't remember much from my appointment, but I do remember wanting to cry when it seemed I would have to eat 24/7 in order to consume that many calories. I also remember it wouldn't be an option to simply eat dry Chex like I had been doing. I needed to eat two bowls of Chex with soy milk (I'm lactose intolerant) AND I needed to add at least three tablespoons of sugar to help out with calorie intake.

It wasn't long before I figured out the "perfect" plan. I ate my Rice Chex with soy milk and sugar for breakfast, potatoes and chicken for lunch, and potatoes and chicken for dinner. I had Enjoy Life soft cookies for snacks, and I was sure to consume at least 2-3 cans of Ensure for extra calories and nutrition. At one point I discovered Sweet Baby Ray's Bbq sauce was gluten-free, so I began adding that to my chicken. It wasn't the most flavorful diet, but I was eating, and I was feeling a million times better.

Occasionally, I would eat other things, but it was easy to bake a weeks worth of chicken and potatoes and portion it out for my meals for the week each Sunday. This lasted at least 3 months before I started rotating a few other things into my diet. It was also about that point that I discovered I was having some symptoms again. The symptoms seemed to coincide with me drinking Ensure or having my cereal with soy milk. I later found out that it is very common to become intolerant to a food if you consume it too often. I guess 5 or 6 servings of soy milk was too much ;)

So that was my start. I usually hear about how people take a good 6-12 months to really master the gluten-free diet. I knew one person who couldn't figure out why it seemed like she was getting glutened occasionally only to figure out that Rice Krispies and Hormel Chili w/o Beans were not gluten-free. I didn't like the idea of being unsure, and getting sick as a result, and I'm proud to say that there weren't any instances of me eating something, and later finding out that I should not have consumed it. Then again, I also dealt with an incredibly boring diet for a very long time.

Welcome to Alive Without Gluten

In the 5 years since my diagnosis of Celiac Disease, I have learned to cook, bake, be prepared and truly love the food I eat. Prior to my diagnosis, I was a fast food kind of girl. I never learned how to cook, and it didn't matter what I ate. I was always severely underweight, and I because fast food was such a large part of my diet I tried eating McDonalds every day for 30 days long before the movie Supersize Me came out--except I didn't gain an ounce. I also tried other crazy things like eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's every day for 30 days, but that didn't work either.

Little did I know that if I were to cut one (not-so) simple thing out of my diet, I would learn what it felt like to feel "normal." Little did I know that my bones were slowly deteriorating, my teeth were falling apart, and my body was essentially passing everything I ate through it without digesting anything. I thought it was "normal" to sleep 10-12 hours a day and still feel tired. I thought my doctors were right when they said I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), and that I should eat more bread and crackers when my stomach was upset. I feared the inevitable stomachache that would send me rushing to the bathroom I would get each time I ate because I had been accused of being bulimic far too many times.

The last 5 years has taught me amazing things. I still don't like it, but I'll risk offending someone when I need to stand up for myself and insist I am not willing to eat food that could possibly make me sick. I didn't only learn to cook, I learned I love to cook. I also learned that cooking and baking from scratch is much more enjoyable than making a cake from a box or making hamburger helper will ever be. I've learned to enjoy the little things in life whether that is wasting an hour with my pets or going to a restaurant and getting to safely eat a cheeseburger on a BUN with a gluten-free bottle of beer to wash it down.