Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Best Poop Horror Stories

I don't normally like items on buzzfeed, but I loved the idea  I got from one today. When I saw the titled 15 Poop Horror Stories That Will Make You Feel Better About Yourself, I knew I had to read it.

Ever feel like you needed these?

Most people on a gluten-free diet have their own "poop horror story." My "best" story comes from when I was beginning to show symptoms --over 10 years before I was diagnosed. I was around 15 years old, and I was participating in a car wash fundraiser. As usual, my stomach hurt all day, but it was several hours into the fundraiser when I had the "emergency" pains. I quickly excused myself and made a mad dash inside the gas station only to discover there was a line for the women's room. I stood there in a panic. I knew there was no chance I could wait long enough.

When I was finally next in line, I couldn't hold it any longer. The pressure was too intense, and I began crapping my pants... right there in the middle of the gas station. I knew my friend would be able to smell it when she came out of the bathroom, so I made the quick decision to duck into the mens room instead of waiting. I was horrified to discover it had gone right through my swimsuit and left an obvious stain on my shorts.

I quickly undressed and rinsed my clothing as best I could. There was no longer an obvious stain on my shorts, but now the butt was all wet. I devised a plan to dash out of the gas stain and pretend to slip and fall in the first puddle of water I could find which would explain my wet shorts.

It worked! A friend of mine started spraying me with a hose once she saw I was partially wet anyway. No one had a clue.

I never told that story until after I was diagnosed. It made perfect sense why I would have emergencies where I needed a restroom immediately after diagnosis, but definitely not before.

So... I told you mine, and now it's your turn. What's your best poop horror story?