Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Best Poop Horror Stories

I don't normally like items on buzzfeed, but I loved the idea  I got from one today. When I saw the titled 15 Poop Horror Stories That Will Make You Feel Better About Yourself, I knew I had to read it.

Ever feel like you needed these?

Most people on a gluten-free diet have their own "poop horror story." My "best" story comes from when I was beginning to show symptoms --over 10 years before I was diagnosed. I was around 15 years old, and I was participating in a car wash fundraiser. As usual, my stomach hurt all day, but it was several hours into the fundraiser when I had the "emergency" pains. I quickly excused myself and made a mad dash inside the gas station only to discover there was a line for the women's room. I stood there in a panic. I knew there was no chance I could wait long enough.

When I was finally next in line, I couldn't hold it any longer. The pressure was too intense, and I began crapping my pants... right there in the middle of the gas station. I knew my friend would be able to smell it when she came out of the bathroom, so I made the quick decision to duck into the mens room instead of waiting. I was horrified to discover it had gone right through my swimsuit and left an obvious stain on my shorts.

I quickly undressed and rinsed my clothing as best I could. There was no longer an obvious stain on my shorts, but now the butt was all wet. I devised a plan to dash out of the gas stain and pretend to slip and fall in the first puddle of water I could find which would explain my wet shorts.

It worked! A friend of mine started spraying me with a hose once she saw I was partially wet anyway. No one had a clue.

I never told that story until after I was diagnosed. It made perfect sense why I would have emergencies where I needed a restroom immediately after diagnosis, but definitely not before.

So... I told you mine, and now it's your turn. What's your best poop horror story?

1 comment:

  1. Hmmmm..... Most embarassing poop story.. Got it... It was years before I was diagnosed, and of course I found myself in public with the "gonna be a long yet urgent one" feeling. I usually try to find the farthest stall in the place so that I don't stink up the joint too badly... But this time the farthest stall was the handicap stall. So I went in there, and was literally on the toilet for at least 30 minutes, in pain, and flushing like 100 times. When I could finally muster up the energy for the final flush and emerge from the stall, I was horrified to find a woman in a wheelchair with her caregiver standing there waiting for the stall. I have no idea how long they had been there, and they looked very angry. I rushed through washing my hands and tore out of there, leaving the overpowering stench behind me. It was awful, probably for all involved. To this day, I will not use the handicap stall because of that - and I shouldn't really anyway. It's just that I am claustrophobic so the tight small stalls make me crazy... Worst.... day.... ever!