Wednesday, December 3, 2014

The Fear of Pooping in a Dressing Room

I'm not entirely sure how to explain, but I've always had a fear of urgently needing to poop while trying on clothes in a dressing room. Imagine my surprise when I read an article titled Why taking a dump in a Kohl’s dressing room is never a good idea.  The craziest part is that I buy the majority of my clothes at Kohl's...where the juniors dressing rooms are usually located "conveniently" at the opposite end of the store as the restrooms.

I absolutely HAD to read it. In the article, he calls the man who poops in the dressing room Dirty Randy. Is it sad that I REALLY want to talk to Dirty Randy? I want to find out so many things...

  • Did he know he had to poop when he entered the dressing room?
  • Did he purposely go to the dressing room to poop?
  • Had he done this before?
  • Was he to embarrassed to tell his wife he needed to poop, so he chose the dressing room over the restrooms?
  • Would he answer questions indefinitely until I was satisfied with his reasoning?
If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend you do if you ever had the urgent emergencies often associated with celiac disease pre-diagnosis. 

It's rare at this point that I experience stomach issues while shopping, but I still have anxiety which makes me fear I will have stomach issues even though I'm simply imagining it. One of my worst nightmares was being in a dressing room and needing to go NOW. What would I do? Grab my clothes and run to the restrooms across the store wearing what I was trying on? Would they attempt to arrest me for shoplifting in the process? Would I try to poop in a corner like this man seemed to have done and hope no one noticed so I could hide in the clothes? How would that poor store clerk feel when they discovered what I had left behind? 

It's crazy to me that after so many years, I'm still so incredibly afraid of the potential of having an "accident." 

I do have to say that after my diagnosis, it's rare I think the restroom signs should look like this: 

ETA (12/29/14): I just discovered my husband never read this post. I was shocked to discover he had no idea I had this fear. He questioned why I would ever poop in a dressing room. My response was, "What if you're trying on clothes, and your stomach goes completely crazy, and you absolutely positively need to poop RIGHT NOW!!! There is no way you can get your clothes back on and/or rush to the restroom across the store in the clothes you're trying on. What other choice do you have?" He simply looked at me dumbfounded. Apparently he's never had stomach issues ;)

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